Last couple days I've been feeling so odd...so....empty. The frustrating this is this constant back and forth of wanting to complain and knowing it wont help and feeling like I don't know what going on but also feeling of knowing. I feel like it's these repressed emotions I mentioned before. Most apparently pervading are guilt and doubt. I'm constantly feeling a need to say sorry and I have this terrifying, sickening feeling of not understanding whats going on with me and what I should do or not. All the while my heart feels like a heavy crystal, burning somewhere deep down where nothing can reach, clouded by darkness that makes the air feel heavy yet empty..
I got my pendulum today, along with some white sage, an abalone shell and a free gift of green quartz which is all wonderful. Ugh...I'm itching everywhere...this always happens when I'm depressed. Anyway....I had fun getting to know my pendulum and talking to my crystals today. I recognize the answers of the pendulum when it means yes, no, maybe, when its up in the air but leaning towards a yes or a no. It made me very happy to have a session with myself getting some questions answered that have been weighing on me and I got to settle which of my crystals like to be in the sun or the moon and even found that a couple of them need deep cleansing which of course if really good to know.
It also helped me pick out the crystals and numbers that I am feeling most drawn to today. It's seems 3 and 6 are very present and I'm needing of Blue lace agate and my Amethyst today.
Ugh...it feels so hard to do anything...everything feels like it hurts my heart or just makes my body ache to do while i'm this way....Anxiety, pain, restlessness, worry, uncertainty...ugh...i'm not sure if I should work through this or rest...but I think I can no longer write...
I'll be glad when I can move past all this <3
Monday, August 26, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Noblesse Oblige
I am a young Queen in this place
Relearning of myself
Swimming in the depths I love
For wisdom and knowledge
For beauty and the meaning
Of my own nobility
Noblesse Oblige
I hardly care for the trudges I walk
Filled with mud, disgustingly wrought
As I can pull from the most dense trenches
The loveliness of Soul akin
Noblesse Oblige
To know truly one must be
No wisdom gained without experiencing
And so to be worth my words
In mastery of the art I love
On bended knee I kneel to the universe
And surrender to my lessons
Noblesse Oblige
I can and will make it through all things
Holding to my royalty
A will undying in passion and integrity
To be deserving of the beauty I claim
Verily, Noblesse Oblige
Relearning of myself
Swimming in the depths I love
For wisdom and knowledge
For beauty and the meaning
Of my own nobility
Noblesse Oblige
I hardly care for the trudges I walk
Filled with mud, disgustingly wrought
As I can pull from the most dense trenches
The loveliness of Soul akin
Noblesse Oblige
To know truly one must be
No wisdom gained without experiencing
And so to be worth my words
In mastery of the art I love
On bended knee I kneel to the universe
And surrender to my lessons
Noblesse Oblige
I can and will make it through all things
Holding to my royalty
A will undying in passion and integrity
To be deserving of the beauty I claim
Verily, Noblesse Oblige
A Young Preistess
Currently I'm in a moment of clearing and I've come to recognize that during this time I'm much calmer, very still in the sense of having a distinct sense of balance even as I watch and experience all of my repressed emotions coming to the surface of my being to be expressed or cleared away.
As of very recently (like yesterday) I had the resonation of heart to think of myself as a Priestess. The word has been floating around with a strong presence for a while now, perhaps months most notably. And now that I think of it just now it would also explain why in the past few months I've been strongly drawn to religious and ritualistic practices and feelings urged towards practicing magic and working with my healing abilities.
Well yesterday, since I had this urging I looked up the definition of a priestess that really stuck with me:http://www.wethewomencommunity.com/what-is-a-priestess-and-what-does-she-do.html
I blissful recognition shook me like a flame combustion in my heart. The kind of shiver that if I were less aware of myself I would have been terrified and plagued by doubting to the point of repressing this trigger and disregarding it as a mere strong wishing of imagination. Thankfully I know better than that with myself now, at least enough to recognize when I must push forward past by doubts to reach the next level of comprehension.
Something I've been contemplating...recently I've been noticing that I can envisage things in my mind with much more clarity and definition. It's what I've imagined how a fortune teller looking a crystal ball experiences their visions. One example of this is on an occasion with my lover I closed my eyes and saw in the dark of my minds space, blood splattering. It startled me but I opened my eyes and calmed myself before I could push away the clarity of what I was sensing with questions like "what was that" "god that was disturbing" "whats happening?". Instead the idea became clear to me that my lover was experiencing deep wounds in his subtle bodies. This was later confirmed by further conversation between he and I.
So yes...my contemplation concerns this and asks the question "How do you flourish this ability?" and "How can I use this for myself and others?"
I've decided to buy a pendulum, It will be this Lapis Lazuli pendant I've had my eye on for quite a while now from: http://www.healingcrystals.com/Pendulum_-_Lapis_Lazuli_Sphere_Pendulums.html
And i've also spent much of my days intuitively interpreting numbers and writing my thoughts as well as designing my own scrying table (which I will make somehow I haven't determined yet lol) and ALSO I'll be buying some white sage which according to the wonderful people at healingcrystals.com is very good for long distance aura cleansing so that'll be something that I look forward to doing for people (looking past fears of wondering if anyone would want me to do something like that for them)...Oh dear...those deep seeded repressed feelings *Hugs myself inside and closes my hands over my heart* It'll all be alright <3
That also reminds me that I realized that I have alot of self work to do. Cleansing is a must! VERY deep cleansing...As there are things that have been buried deep in me that I don't wish to interfere with intentions towards anyone else! I am a crystal and just like any crystal before I can assist anyone in healing I must be properly cleansed and charged :) The realization that I must take care of myself by learning to recognize and properly tend to my needs as I cross phases in my life was a freeing one. For a very long time I have settled for too little and have barely sustained or kept myself and my wants and needs in an attempt to avoid the feeling of being in anyone else's way and just in general making sure that everyone else had what they needed and wanted before considering myself, most times not leaving room for myself at all..
The idea is coming to me now that, I've worried alot about whether i'm serving my life purpose "fast" or "efficient" enough and this has created worry and anxiety in me but...A person of any position must be properly trained. The mastery of myself is the only way to ensure that I am upholding the integrity and beauty that I wish to claim as a being. It's okay to take time to take care of myself.
That was a really refreshing burst of light from within myself as I hear these words. What seems so simply spoken has been a long time in waiting for deep recognition, understanding, and practice.
Many wounds being experienced but I am also viewing the birthing and rebirth of many lovely things within myself. All of which, I am grateful for. Crystals and Preistess's and psychic abilities and self knowing and wisdom and healing...yes yes...much much in my life right now <3
Blessings and thank you for reading <3
As of very recently (like yesterday) I had the resonation of heart to think of myself as a Priestess. The word has been floating around with a strong presence for a while now, perhaps months most notably. And now that I think of it just now it would also explain why in the past few months I've been strongly drawn to religious and ritualistic practices and feelings urged towards practicing magic and working with my healing abilities.
Well yesterday, since I had this urging I looked up the definition of a priestess that really stuck with me:http://www.wethewomencommunity.com/what-is-a-priestess-and-what-does-she-do.html
I blissful recognition shook me like a flame combustion in my heart. The kind of shiver that if I were less aware of myself I would have been terrified and plagued by doubting to the point of repressing this trigger and disregarding it as a mere strong wishing of imagination. Thankfully I know better than that with myself now, at least enough to recognize when I must push forward past by doubts to reach the next level of comprehension.
Something I've been contemplating...recently I've been noticing that I can envisage things in my mind with much more clarity and definition. It's what I've imagined how a fortune teller looking a crystal ball experiences their visions. One example of this is on an occasion with my lover I closed my eyes and saw in the dark of my minds space, blood splattering. It startled me but I opened my eyes and calmed myself before I could push away the clarity of what I was sensing with questions like "what was that" "god that was disturbing" "whats happening?". Instead the idea became clear to me that my lover was experiencing deep wounds in his subtle bodies. This was later confirmed by further conversation between he and I.
So yes...my contemplation concerns this and asks the question "How do you flourish this ability?" and "How can I use this for myself and others?"
I've decided to buy a pendulum, It will be this Lapis Lazuli pendant I've had my eye on for quite a while now from: http://www.healingcrystals.com/Pendulum_-_Lapis_Lazuli_Sphere_Pendulums.html
And i've also spent much of my days intuitively interpreting numbers and writing my thoughts as well as designing my own scrying table (which I will make somehow I haven't determined yet lol) and ALSO I'll be buying some white sage which according to the wonderful people at healingcrystals.com is very good for long distance aura cleansing so that'll be something that I look forward to doing for people (looking past fears of wondering if anyone would want me to do something like that for them)...Oh dear...those deep seeded repressed feelings *Hugs myself inside and closes my hands over my heart* It'll all be alright <3
That also reminds me that I realized that I have alot of self work to do. Cleansing is a must! VERY deep cleansing...As there are things that have been buried deep in me that I don't wish to interfere with intentions towards anyone else! I am a crystal and just like any crystal before I can assist anyone in healing I must be properly cleansed and charged :) The realization that I must take care of myself by learning to recognize and properly tend to my needs as I cross phases in my life was a freeing one. For a very long time I have settled for too little and have barely sustained or kept myself and my wants and needs in an attempt to avoid the feeling of being in anyone else's way and just in general making sure that everyone else had what they needed and wanted before considering myself, most times not leaving room for myself at all..
The idea is coming to me now that, I've worried alot about whether i'm serving my life purpose "fast" or "efficient" enough and this has created worry and anxiety in me but...A person of any position must be properly trained. The mastery of myself is the only way to ensure that I am upholding the integrity and beauty that I wish to claim as a being. It's okay to take time to take care of myself.
That was a really refreshing burst of light from within myself as I hear these words. What seems so simply spoken has been a long time in waiting for deep recognition, understanding, and practice.
Many wounds being experienced but I am also viewing the birthing and rebirth of many lovely things within myself. All of which, I am grateful for. Crystals and Preistess's and psychic abilities and self knowing and wisdom and healing...yes yes...much much in my life right now <3
Blessings and thank you for reading <3
Thursday, August 15, 2013
A LOT has happened...
So much so that I sit here before an empty blog post for the first time in FOREVER! and I'm totally unsure of what to say "so to speak" as I know the words are in there somewhere just waiting to be channeled out (which is why I felt an undeniable urging to come post lol)
Yeah see that ^ totally a recognition that is a product of my taking time to "train" my intuition so to speak. In my time away I dove deep into that rabbit hole I've been dying to drop down. I could describe it as a journey into my heart or self realization, bonding with my true self, the universe, and totally getting my wizardry on lol All of those expressions pretty much make the point.
It's been all about experiencing whats happening in the now. "The now" such a common new age term that I feel apprehensive in using it for fear of being "cliché" on the matter but that's really the only way I could think of it. The now, the present. Because I realized that everything I wanted to and needed to know wasn't going to be gained by thinking about "What am I doing" or "What am I suppose to be doing" on a constant basis. My soul knows what I need, and because that can shift on every level and/or within any level of myself with every passing millisecond, my soul keeps up with all of it, past present future, and what it needs from my conscious mind is FOCUS, focus on what my thoughts and feelings are NOW that need to be addressed.
In the last few months I've come to recognize the signs of my psychic abilities Like singing a certain song randomly and then turning on the radio and there it is or picking up on thoughts from those around me, speaking on said "random" thought and hearing "I was JUST thinking about that, I'm glad you said something!" And also I've taken to reading numbers (apparently it's a deep passion of mine :) ) I take the numbers I see anywhere everywhere and I look up their symbolism and other peoples meanings on them and after a while I could see the patterns that were giving me certain messages through repeated number sequences based on my researched knowledge and my intuitive feelings about how the number apply to my current situations. Messages from the realm of spirit that tell me things like "A new door of opportunity has opened up for you to step up to your next level of potential" or "The angels are assisting you in an important time in creation of your life". The last one I took recently from a stream of 111's 22's and 44's that have been appearing.
Omg SO MUCH EMOTIONAL WORK! The mastery of mind and emotion is no joke! Seriously, solitary work of self when you switch the gear from auto pilot to manual is not an endeavor to take lightly. I've watched my world and entire expression of self be turned upside down and trying to make sense out of seemingly no sense in the midst of my own emotional darkness and trying to sort through it. Intentions and actions becoming all mixed up due to feelings of all kinds of fears that I didn't even know were still plaguing me like abandonment, being perceived wrong, being violated just bledding into everything I said and did and the ways I acted...and wow...just so much.
So much pain yet so much strength and understanding gained. I have experienced my own strength of core self shine light from within me as I've gone on healing and understanding more of myself and my relation to all things. Truly it has been amazing beyond my own belief. And now for my nerd moment...
I'M AT THE PART IN MY STORY WHERE I GET TO SEE HOW MY POWERS WORK AND IT'S SO COOL (~OoO)~-*
Haha, love being a magical girl >w< <3
Yeah see that ^ totally a recognition that is a product of my taking time to "train" my intuition so to speak. In my time away I dove deep into that rabbit hole I've been dying to drop down. I could describe it as a journey into my heart or self realization, bonding with my true self, the universe, and totally getting my wizardry on lol All of those expressions pretty much make the point.
It's been all about experiencing whats happening in the now. "The now" such a common new age term that I feel apprehensive in using it for fear of being "cliché" on the matter but that's really the only way I could think of it. The now, the present. Because I realized that everything I wanted to and needed to know wasn't going to be gained by thinking about "What am I doing" or "What am I suppose to be doing" on a constant basis. My soul knows what I need, and because that can shift on every level and/or within any level of myself with every passing millisecond, my soul keeps up with all of it, past present future, and what it needs from my conscious mind is FOCUS, focus on what my thoughts and feelings are NOW that need to be addressed.
In the last few months I've come to recognize the signs of my psychic abilities Like singing a certain song randomly and then turning on the radio and there it is or picking up on thoughts from those around me, speaking on said "random" thought and hearing "I was JUST thinking about that, I'm glad you said something!" And also I've taken to reading numbers (apparently it's a deep passion of mine :) ) I take the numbers I see anywhere everywhere and I look up their symbolism and other peoples meanings on them and after a while I could see the patterns that were giving me certain messages through repeated number sequences based on my researched knowledge and my intuitive feelings about how the number apply to my current situations. Messages from the realm of spirit that tell me things like "A new door of opportunity has opened up for you to step up to your next level of potential" or "The angels are assisting you in an important time in creation of your life". The last one I took recently from a stream of 111's 22's and 44's that have been appearing.
Omg SO MUCH EMOTIONAL WORK! The mastery of mind and emotion is no joke! Seriously, solitary work of self when you switch the gear from auto pilot to manual is not an endeavor to take lightly. I've watched my world and entire expression of self be turned upside down and trying to make sense out of seemingly no sense in the midst of my own emotional darkness and trying to sort through it. Intentions and actions becoming all mixed up due to feelings of all kinds of fears that I didn't even know were still plaguing me like abandonment, being perceived wrong, being violated just bledding into everything I said and did and the ways I acted...and wow...just so much.
So much pain yet so much strength and understanding gained. I have experienced my own strength of core self shine light from within me as I've gone on healing and understanding more of myself and my relation to all things. Truly it has been amazing beyond my own belief. And now for my nerd moment...
I'M AT THE PART IN MY STORY WHERE I GET TO SEE HOW MY POWERS WORK AND IT'S SO COOL (~OoO)~-*
Haha, love being a magical girl >w< <3
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