Last couple days I've been feeling so odd...so....empty. The frustrating this is this constant back and forth of wanting to complain and knowing it wont help and feeling like I don't know what going on but also feeling of knowing. I feel like it's these repressed emotions I mentioned before. Most apparently pervading are guilt and doubt. I'm constantly feeling a need to say sorry and I have this terrifying, sickening feeling of not understanding whats going on with me and what I should do or not. All the while my heart feels like a heavy crystal, burning somewhere deep down where nothing can reach, clouded by darkness that makes the air feel heavy yet empty..
I got my pendulum today, along with some white sage, an abalone shell and a free gift of green quartz which is all wonderful. Ugh...I'm itching everywhere...this always happens when I'm depressed. Anyway....I had fun getting to know my pendulum and talking to my crystals today. I recognize the answers of the pendulum when it means yes, no, maybe, when its up in the air but leaning towards a yes or a no. It made me very happy to have a session with myself getting some questions answered that have been weighing on me and I got to settle which of my crystals like to be in the sun or the moon and even found that a couple of them need deep cleansing which of course if really good to know.
It also helped me pick out the crystals and numbers that I am feeling most drawn to today. It's seems 3 and 6 are very present and I'm needing of Blue lace agate and my Amethyst today.
Ugh...it feels so hard to do anything...everything feels like it hurts my heart or just makes my body ache to do while i'm this way....Anxiety, pain, restlessness, worry, uncertainty...ugh...i'm not sure if I should work through this or rest...but I think I can no longer write...
I'll be glad when I can move past all this <3
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