Currently I'm in a moment of clearing and I've come to recognize that during this time I'm much calmer, very still in the sense of having a distinct sense of balance even as I watch and experience all of my repressed emotions coming to the surface of my being to be expressed or cleared away.
As of very recently (like yesterday) I had the resonation of heart to think of myself as a Priestess. The word has been floating around with a strong presence for a while now, perhaps months most notably. And now that I think of it just now it would also explain why in the past few months I've been strongly drawn to religious and ritualistic practices and feelings urged towards practicing magic and working with my healing abilities.
Well yesterday, since I had this urging I looked up the definition of a priestess that really stuck with me:http://www.wethewomencommunity.com/what-is-a-priestess-and-what-does-she-do.html
I blissful recognition shook me like a flame combustion in my heart. The kind of shiver that if I were less aware of myself I would have been terrified and plagued by doubting to the point of repressing this trigger and disregarding it as a mere strong wishing of imagination. Thankfully I know better than that with myself now, at least enough to recognize when I must push forward past by doubts to reach the next level of comprehension.
Something I've been contemplating...recently I've been noticing that I can envisage things in my mind with much more clarity and definition. It's what I've imagined how a fortune teller looking a crystal ball experiences their visions. One example of this is on an occasion with my lover I closed my eyes and saw in the dark of my minds space, blood splattering. It startled me but I opened my eyes and calmed myself before I could push away the clarity of what I was sensing with questions like "what was that" "god that was disturbing" "whats happening?". Instead the idea became clear to me that my lover was experiencing deep wounds in his subtle bodies. This was later confirmed by further conversation between he and I.
So yes...my contemplation concerns this and asks the question "How do you flourish this ability?" and "How can I use this for myself and others?"
I've decided to buy a pendulum, It will be this Lapis Lazuli pendant I've had my eye on for quite a while now from: http://www.healingcrystals.com/Pendulum_-_Lapis_Lazuli_Sphere_Pendulums.html
And i've also spent much of my days intuitively interpreting numbers and writing my thoughts as well as designing my own scrying table (which I will make somehow I haven't determined yet lol) and ALSO I'll be buying some white sage which according to the wonderful people at healingcrystals.com is very good for long distance aura cleansing so that'll be something that I look forward to doing for people (looking past fears of wondering if anyone would want me to do something like that for them)...Oh dear...those deep seeded repressed feelings *Hugs myself inside and closes my hands over my heart* It'll all be alright <3
That also reminds me that I realized that I have alot of self work to do. Cleansing is a must! VERY deep cleansing...As there are things that have been buried deep in me that I don't wish to interfere with intentions towards anyone else! I am a crystal and just like any crystal before I can assist anyone in healing I must be properly cleansed and charged :) The realization that I must take care of myself by learning to recognize and properly tend to my needs as I cross phases in my life was a freeing one. For a very long time I have settled for too little and have barely sustained or kept myself and my wants and needs in an attempt to avoid the feeling of being in anyone else's way and just in general making sure that everyone else had what they needed and wanted before considering myself, most times not leaving room for myself at all..
The idea is coming to me now that, I've worried alot about whether i'm serving my life purpose "fast" or "efficient" enough and this has created worry and anxiety in me but...A person of any position must be properly trained. The mastery of myself is the only way to ensure that I am upholding the integrity and beauty that I wish to claim as a being. It's okay to take time to take care of myself.
That was a really refreshing burst of light from within myself as I hear these words. What seems so simply spoken has been a long time in waiting for deep recognition, understanding, and practice.
Many wounds being experienced but I am also viewing the birthing and rebirth of many lovely things within myself. All of which, I am grateful for. Crystals and Preistess's and psychic abilities and self knowing and wisdom and healing...yes yes...much much in my life right now <3
Blessings and thank you for reading <3
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