Relax, Accept, Focus

5/3/2013

After deciding to focus on journeying into my heart to open it and receive the truth of my whole multidimensional self I had a dream. I don't remember all of what happened before this moment in the dream that I am about to recount but I feel that this moment is very important because I feel that it has something to do with moving through thresholds of awareness. I've had moments in my dreams like this before and it was very reassuring that I had this one because it means that I am focused in the right direction.

I was at my grandmothers house standing in the kitchen by the laundry room door. There wasn't much lighting so the atmosphere was dim. I was just standing there when I thought "Remember, we wanted to focus." (though looking back on it it was more so a feeling than a thought in words.) So, I was like, right...and closed my eyes so that I could fall into a meditative state. This seemed to happen rather quickly and soon I felt like I was shifting out of the shape of my body. Though I was still aware of my body standing still, I felt that my being was more like a blob of shifting abstract space. When I felt the top of me shifting out of the mold of my physical face I started to get scared and panic (for some reason I have this weird fear of losing my facial structure and not being able to see through my eyes :/) Then I though "No, relax. This is okay, we've felt this before remember? Just focus, let things flow naturally, smoothly." Imagine the expression of a nod as this is what I felt like as I acknowledged this thought. "Right," I remembered "seeing in a different way doesn't mean I have to be frightened. Embrace it."As I thought this my awareness started to open up, I started to see the kitchen again though I had no eyes to open, and I could feel myself expanding kind of like I was leaking out of my physical body into the atmosphere.

Then, I was no longer in the kitchen, things were dark again like when I had first closed my eyes only this wasn't complete darkness. Noticeable there were specks of color everywhere in this darkness. (It brings to mind the image of space). I'm not sure but I feel like this area has something to do with my conscious mind space. It's like a viewing area for incoming images. After becoming aware that I was in this place I saw something starting to form. I became excited "Oh my God! I'm seeing something!" I was elated to be in this place again, viewing something "out of the norm", something that was possibly cosmically awesome or had some clue as to my inter dimensional expressions or some secrets of the universe finally unveiled for me to see! I reminded myself again to stay calm and focus. I didn't want my excitement to interfere with the vision unfolding.

I start to see the image of a hand form out of pink particles of energy. It was a left hand, the fingers long and slender with mature definition. It was holding a pen a pen, it was writing something. I became excited again seeing the image come to form, but somewhere around the wrist the idea seemed to shock me that this hand could turn into a whole body and that I could be frightened by this embodied image. Instantly I knew that this fear would cause the image to slip away as prior experience in these types of dreams has taught me that is this realm of reality the cause and effect of thought and emotions is instantaneous, the truth of what you feel will show in the way the environment reacts to you. Not being able to help myself I panicked, not even at the thought of the image but at the idea of losing the image before I had really begun to see anything, all the while thinking "No, no, no, don't be scared, focus, calm down, hold it!" but it was already too late, the image slipped away quickly like a receding tide.

I sighed, disappointed but not discouraged. "At least, I made it here. Now, I just have to remember how I got here and try this again.Hold focus next time..." I recalled having this thought the last time I had a dream like this, and the same when I had fallen into this meditative state and received that message from one of my Selves that I didn't hear the end of, the one where she told me to stay strong and show my true...whatever she was going to say after that. And just like those times I awake just after becoming aware that I had hopelessly lost my focus.

Slipping into this state initially feels like that moment just when you realize that you are slipping into a deep sleep. You feel yourself embraced by calm and you surrender to slipping away into this blissful state. I couldn't say how you become conscious after entering this threshold. Perhaps it was my will and intention to focus on being conscious in my dreaming before going to sleep, my want to experience more while I'm asleep that allowed me to wake within these dreams. I believe that must be it.

I really want to explore this experience more. I have had experiences like this on and off but I would like to expand my awareness with more constancy. My greatest struggle in this is learning to relax, focus and release the fear that always pulls me away from these enlightening moments. I've decided that as a part of this determination that I will write daily about my experiences within and take my journal with me when I go outside for my meditation sessions so that I can record how I feel and my progress.

The opening of my heart and the welcoming of my selves into myself must be done through a medium that speaks to who I am and the way that I naturally express my self. What does this mean? It's time to get earnest about writing as I journey into my heart space!

I can feel myself opening up

becoming more accepting of all

beings and all experience

It is a discipline to be able to

see past and move through such

muddy emotions that apprehension

and resistance are born from

I want more, I can do better

I am willing to reach out

I am willing to speak

May all the forces of the universe

be with me as I make this journey

on Earth to embrace my true nature

<3