Settling Into my Life

I feel like my blog looks silly...I don't know. Perhaps that is only my worry that I sound like a deranged lunatic or hyped up hippie with an overactive imagination or something...idk. That fear of others perceiving me as crazy and unreasonable is something I'm still shaking off. Sometimes I still get caught up in worrying what other people think because of my want to connect and relate to people. But of course, taking a lesson from my last posts I realize that the whole goal of this blog was to express my true self, nothing more or less.

So...moving on from that...I've been feeling really drained the last couple of days. Maybe it's all my personal reflection? These things I write about, I wonder if they sound like I've just GOT it like the realization was so easy or even fully held within my understanding but things tend to be articulated in words that one has yet to feel the truth of which means that there is a journey in between of figuring out how to transform such knowledge into wisdom.

I've been playing out in my head every weird experience, every voice and message that has left me wondering who I am, whos talking to me and where I'm from, trying to put pieces together. My fear is that my ever wanting to belong has led me to falling into some illusion rather than just feeling called to something. That my experiences are all of my own making with no such interesting story behind them as being communicated with from other dimensions or selves.

Though I see many people going through such odd things during this time that I still believe is a period of Awakening for many of us and many having just as much awkwardness and the same fears in articulating this as I do.

I sunk into a very contemplative mood yesterday and have been rather riding that vibe ever since. After feeling my need to label myself as an Earthling or otherwise some other species from some other place drop into the pit "unecessary things" I stepped into overview of the situation. I then realized that my angst in wondering of this truth that stemmed from my desire to find the reasons why I am unique. This desire can cause one to seek such validation by separating themselves from the majority. So I didn't want to be on Earth and be "human" as was typical. I wanted the truth to be that I find out that I'm from some other world. Proof of how different I am. This wanting causes anxiousness and the fear of the truth not being what one wants.

I'm content now with the idea that I will find my answers one day. Freely I imagine how my story would play out either way. I am content with and grateful for the supernatural occurances in my life that have made my life the magical adventure I've always wanted eventhough they often leave me confused and wondering of things that I cannot yet know. I am happy to be experiencing all that I am going through on my journey of life and with watching my life unfold. I wonder what abilities I posses...what it is that makes me unique as an individual. I suppose I'll find out over time. Right now, I am happy experiencing everything as it is to the fullest <3