Frustration Cast by Shadow

For the last couple weeks I've been often feeling this sense of discomfort and irritation. Also everything I want to do feels like I have to force myself to have the will to do it and I tend to feel like I'm struggling to get into a comfortable place and like I'm drowning. I don't know whats going on...I'm sure its just another process of learning. I've been hearing much about eclipses and what they bring about in everyone. Integrating the Shadow aspects of ourselves, parts of us that have gone overlooked being brought to light. I definitely feel like this has been happening to me...

It's not always loud and in my face this feeling. It also has felt like an undertone or it will come up during my interaction and observations of people. Things that annoy me, things that make me angry and I just have been trying to figure out what the reasons are behind this feeling being triggered so that it doesn't like...ruin my life lol

I'm going through alot as I've mentioned before. Trying to find a job, working on my art, coming into myself, discovering how I wish to express myself and all...and within this my emotions are  very intense and swirly which can make things confusing sometimes.This much I have learned about this particular uneasy feeling so far...It has much to do with words gone unsaid which evolves into insecurities and fears that make me more reactive than interactive. I see it alot in my relationship with my beloved, we've been having way too many arguments for my taste :( and they get so frustrating that I feel hopeless in trying to find common ground within them and its tearing me apart because each argument is an unsolved reoccurring entity that will arise over and over until the whatever pattern is causing this horrible mis-communication is revealed and settled in the proper fashion.

I've been smoking passionflower recently and it has been wonderful during this time in my life. The essence of it is designed to promote a calming of the mind and muscles so you can see why it has been a great ally to me as of late. I know I need to relax and realign with my own harmony if I hope to get through this ashen time and/or solve anything within my life. I see the emotions I've kept hidden or tried to keep in check or act like I wasn't feeling becoming more and more apparent. Things like resentment and jealousy and anger, all for their own reasons and such. I know I'm in need of healing, I feel my wings tickling my shoulder blades to remind me that they are there. I'm also feeling like I need to detox my body physically.

So yeah...really I guess the statement earlier that I don't know whats going on isn't all together true lol Granted I don't understand all of it as it arises but I suppose I understand enough of it to grasp what I'm going through and a general idea of what I need to do. That's all I can ask for really and I'm grateful for that much <3