Stretching my Limbs

I feel like I should always write a reflection after I've written a post about an issue while in the emotions of it, I feel like I get so dramatic and I always miss out on things I really wanted to say lol Thats part of the transparency of the disclosure of my life though I suppose. I write as I think for the most part you know...I edit to an extent for spelling and organization and all that stuff.

Anyway, so after all that birthing and cord cutting I feel like I'm stretching out my limbs if you will. Just allowing myself to flow in my thoughts, emotions, and body as I feel is natural. Not condemning myself at every turn for fear of  right or wrong or acceptable, but rather I am being thoughtful and patient in the observance of myself, my surrounding and how these things will interact.It feels much like when you exercise after you haven't for a long time, you start to notice the sensation of muscles being stimulated that haven't been for you don't even remember how long. It's that kind of exercise that you put of for fear of the pain that you only realize afterwards was more than worth it for the awesome energy and healthy benefits that you gain (not to mention that ache thats almost a sensual pleasure afterwards >v<)

It's weird looking back on my life sometimes. Thinking about how I had bottled my self up so over time.. I remember when I was trying to meet everyones expectations of me and mourned the shortcomings of my own. I didn't realize I was hushing my own spirit trying to mold myself to fit the view of what is right and worthy of acknowledgment in this upside down illusion that most people refer to as reality on this planet. Now that I'm here, now that I realize that all my thoughts and imaginings and inner issues and feelings actually mean something and effect the way my life unfolds, now that I know that I have the power to change myself and step out of my own boundaries to something more...all I can do is be grateful and amazed that I have made it through so much pain and insanity to be where I am now. Understanding things I had always thought to be too far beyond me, feelings sensations beyond my imagining, BEING myself >w<  loving myself and my life to the fullest, growing on a personal level constantly evolving, making genuine connections with other lovely beings...

I am a child of earth and the heavens
the particles of vastness whoms mysteries
are imagined into art to be explored and revered

Who am I? I am me..
That is all that can be described
without limiting me

Why am I here?
To live, to love, to explore
so says the core of me and so
I am abiding

My life unfolding has been strange and often confusing and frustrating. I find myself embarrassed at the words I say as I describe such things that I worry will lead those who read of me to think me insane,even in this new age.

I asked myself this morning, why would I come to such a place as Earth if I was from elsewhere? To help people? To help myself? My first thought is that one of these answers is arrogant and the other too self serving. But beyond such rash judgment that I come to the question of, well? What are you doing now? What have you always been doing?

 Observing the world around me, wanting to gain wisdom and understanding, loving, creating and honoring art in all forms, learning about myself and others, searching for the true meaning of the heart and love

These are things that I have always done, beneath all actions and chaotic swirling of life these ideas and inquiries have withstood within my consciousness untainted. This is my nature I suppose...

My personality takes on many shapes considering the type of woman I want to be at the time, I have my ideas of beauty and integrity that ground me, beyond that I am art in motion and I no longer feel the pressure to slow or stop to accommodate expectations of who I am. I am the creator of my doll and the doll herself, a member of the universe that cannot be duplicated or replaced in my unique value. If I am ever to be needed or wanted of myself or to anyone it will be in desire of the truth of said Me, and nothing less. This, I vow to my self for the evers of existence to come....though I have a feeling that I've already made this vow to myself long in times past  <3