I really skipped past many of the details of my youth for the sake of not making this "Yet another weird teen story" Though, I guess it's kind of like that anyway? Well...I digress. Like many people I've had weird things happen to me that I didn't quite know how to deal with at the time and for quite a while led me to believing that I was crazy. This is part of the oppression of society I now realize, making all that is strange or different unacceptable and wrong to keep the seekers from wandering into new realities. To create the fear of veering to far from a state of "normalcy".
I recall many strange things. Sometimes I would feel the distinct prescence of somone/thing/being that I couldn't see sitting next to me in my bed. I remember curling into a ball under my covers trying to deal with the sitiation calmly as I felt and even saw the bed sink in where the presumed entity would sit:
"Okay, clearly, something is there. Now, what do I wanna do about it? Uhm...how do I feel? Well, it's not doing anything, I don't feel threatened so, I guess it's okay. I'm just...gonna lay here and go to sleep."
I think I owe this moment of calm within terror to my Mom who's stories of her own supernatural experience had made me at least aware of other dimensional activity though, young ignorance and a healthy dose of horror movies had left me ruined within fear. (XD)
All the time I would hear these indistinguishable whispers. I felt like things were trying to talk to me that I couldn't understand and it made me feel absolutely insane. This combined with my isolation during this time and my disorderly mental state made me feel like I was always alone in a small room in an asylum.
During my time with my beloved one these occurances didn't bother me as much.His masculine prescence and love for me I wore as a cloak, even when we were apart. His image in my mind was the pinacle of a knight in shining armor. I felt that his energy was with me always and my love for him was deep. I hardly even paid attention to the matters of whispers and precences to the point of forgetting about them.
There was once day though, that I was laying in bed alone in my room. I was waiting for my beloved to visit and layed back hoping that I wouldn't fall asleep as I was often fatigued due to school and mental stress. When I had slipped into a comfortable relaxtion I heard a voice call out:
"Asia!"
(This is my "real" name you see. Though during this time many of my peers had started to refer to me as Kurai) I sat up, startled.
"What?"
I couldn't believe that I had heard someone call my name so clearly but...it was a clear whisper. It sounded nothing like my mom or brother who I lived with and it felt so close to me, like it could have almost been my own thought. I took myself as either being crazy or that some ghost or something had called out to me. Oddly, I felt no need of fearing it. It seemed harmless yet I always wondered and prayed that it didn't mean that I had lost my mind.
I told my beloved about it when he arrived and he said that it was weird but that he didn't think it meant that I was crazy. Again time went on and the occurance was all but forgotten when, one day as we are lying in bed my beloved tells me that he thought he heard someone call out his name and we both recounted on when it had happened to me. And then stranger still, there was a time when my beloved sat up in bed next to me in blank stare, completely stunned and for a moment even seemed to gasp for breath. I went to him concerned and held to him asking him what was wrong, what had he seen? He told me then that he had seen the image of himself standing over him next to the bed, it was him in exact likeness only he seemed to be in black and white.
It was about this time that I started to question what kind of weirdness was going on in life. Stories about secret societies and indiscriminate whispers are one thing but...that was a real moment he had just had. he saw something...himself...appearing as a black and white image? Was it like...from the past or future? Why would he come appear to himself in that moment in that way? Was it an illusion? Magic? Was someone trying to send him a message or something?
I questioned the weirdness with blissful fantasies. It wouldn't be for another couple years when STRANGE REALITY came to hit me FACE to FACE and make me question everything about my existence. I trudged through many years of adolescent ignorance and awkwardness ruining my life in my constant battle with myself and my struggle to hold on to the dream of my happily ever after with my dear knight while we faced the drama of human interaction and the mundane worries of survival.
It wasn't until a certain "Trip" that my inner pain and misery would take an odd turn into conscious understanding.
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